Alternative Careers Gifts

"...then finally, I got serious and started a band."

"I don't want to work in-office or remote. Are there any other options?"

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

Vegetarian Birds

Little Doctor meets Little Geneticists.

Caged Businessman

'Howard's doing things he's always wanted to with his redundancy money.'

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"The suit - it's rejecting your body."

"No, dude. Smoke the grass first. Then eat the candy."

The Mainstream

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

'It's going to be a vegan.'

"I believe that's a Montessori school."

'Cat job interviews.'

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

REPENT! Get back to nature

SNAKE CHARMER: snake reads 'help wanted' ad.

"You're telling me I should leave the artists' commune that saved me from my stepmother's tyrannical elitism, where I have seven boyfriends, to become the impotent figurehead of another unjust power structure?"

"Yes, I can use tools, but I realized early on I could earn more money as an accountant..."

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

"Wait a minute, is that toad I taste? I told you I've gone vegan, Cynthia!"

'Then after the pan our third album, we split for musical differences..'

Medical student overdrafts...careers in the law.

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

'Extinct? Good heavens no. I'm vegan for God's sake.'

'He was a barman before he got into the demolition game.'

"1972: Kim and Doug invited us to their key party... Sounds groovy! 2017: We just got an evite from Kim and Doug to join them on an ayahuasca retreat in Peru... Tommy starts hockey and my father is about to die—no way."

"How long have you been working from home, Mr. Farley?"

'I have one last question: this beach is clothing optional, right?'

"Any experience?"

'Your resume says you have a B.A. in medieval history, a M.A. in modern art, and a PhD in metaphysical poetry. Have you checked us out on the internet? We design and manufacture detonation switches for drones.'

"I beg to differ."