Job Application Extraordinaire Gifts

Resume Consultant. I can polish up your resume, but I won't be able to pound all the dents.

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"He's having a hard time finding work."

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

Do you have any other skills?

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

Caged Businessman

'Impressive resume, We'll verify it through Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr and get back to you,'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

Job Interview Gone Bad.

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

Employment recruitment aptitude test

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

'How many words per minute do you type?'