Job Application Extraordinaire Prints

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

Do you have any other skills?

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

Caged Businessman

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

Job Interview Gone Bad.

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

'An application won't be necessary, Sir. . . if you did it, we know about it.'

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

"Where do you see yourself five beers from now?"

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

'Sorry - The position has already been filled."

'How many words per minute do you type?'