Application Extraordinaire Gifts

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

"It's not my fault! The Russians must have hacked my brain!"

I drive, therefore I am.

Thumbing a Lift.

Science Lab. I have to work late, dear --- I spent most of the day going the wrong way.

Attack of the 50 foot administrative professional.

"Don't forget to click 'Reply All.'"

In and out, in and out, in and out...

A man on a desert island has an inbox and outbox both filled with sand.

Weather prediction is guesswork.

"Well, don't look at me, you got him the chemistry set!"

Zinzhoff wins Nobel Prize/Creates life in test tube/Or was it in there when he started?

'More or less?'

"Damn! - Someone's beaten me to it..!"

When scientists start to look like their projects.

'I'm sorry, but the only person Mr. McCoy is looking to hire right now is a good criminal defense lawyer. But I'll be happy to pass you resume on to him.'

'So in what year did you graduate from the school of hard knocks?'

By changing the negative sign to positive...

"My biggest strength would probably be my giant chicken legs."

I'd like you to meet my parents. They're always complaining that I'm too picky about the men I date.

Buddy believed that successful presentations began with the entrance.

'And you honey, how was your day at the PlayStation?'

"Hello? is it me you're looking for?"

Resume Consultant. I can polish up your resume, but I won't be able to pound all the dents.

"Miss Lopez said she wanted the best student in class to stand up and read their English essay. Then she asked me to do it!"

Man cutting his son out of his will and sending his valuable paintings to the blind asylum

'I cloned a fish with a lego-block!'

'Could I check my email?'

"Well, this is a very impressive resume, young man. I think you're going to make a fine patient."

'Its cost-benefit rate is low, and its risk-benefit rate is low, but its dirt-benefit rate is very, very high.'

Science Experiment.

"I see, and other than creating havoc and terror, do you have any other job skills?"

'...dam maintenance man Clark Wagner has a miraculous brainstorm.'

'I'm from the Nobel Prize Committee. You're on to something big, but it's been done.'

Let's horse around with new ideas.