Application Extraordinaire Pillows

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

"It's not my fault! The Russians must have hacked my brain!"

I drive, therefore I am.

Thumbing a Lift.

"Don't forget to click 'Reply All.'"

In and out, in and out, in and out...

A man on a desert island has an inbox and outbox both filled with sand.

Weather prediction is guesswork.

Zinzhoff wins Nobel Prize/Creates life in test tube/Or was it in there when he started?

"Well, don't look at me, you got him the chemistry set!"

'More or less?'

"Damn! - Someone's beaten me to it..!"

By changing the negative sign to positive...

'So in what year did you graduate from the school of hard knocks?'

'I'm sorry, but the only person Mr. McCoy is looking to hire right now is a good criminal defense lawyer. But I'll be happy to pass you resume on to him.'

When scientists start to look like their projects.

"My biggest strength would probably be my giant chicken legs."

Buddy believed that successful presentations began with the entrance.

"Hello? is it me you're looking for?"

"Miss Lopez said she wanted the best student in class to stand up and read their English essay. Then she asked me to do it!"

Man cutting his son out of his will and sending his valuable paintings to the blind asylum

'Could I check my email?'

'I cloned a fish with a lego-block!'

"Well, this is a very impressive resume, young man. I think you're going to make a fine patient."

"I see, and other than creating havoc and terror, do you have any other job skills?"

Science Experiment.

'Its cost-benefit rate is low, and its risk-benefit rate is low, but its dirt-benefit rate is very, very high.'

Let's horse around with new ideas.

'I'm from the Nobel Prize Committee. You're on to something big, but it's been done.'

'I got it wrong, didn't I?'