Extracurricular Extraordinaire Pillows

I drive, therefore I am.

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

Cheers For The Hollyhock Middle School Chess Team

'Does sports trivia count as something I learned today?'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

EXTROVERTS ANONYMOUS

"I just figured she was holding all my calls. Turns out she's been running the company."

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

"Darren Eggleston. I saw that!"

"Don't forget to click 'Reply All.'"

'The good news is that all the teachers liked the weekend brainstorming retreat. The bad news is that twelve of them are out today with splitting headaches.'

A man on a desert island has an inbox and outbox both filled with sand.

"Any missed assignments can be excused only with a note from your internet service provider."

"Blood sweat and tears. I think it's supposed to make us feel guilty."

'More or less?'

Zinzhoff wins Nobel Prize/Creates life in test tube/Or was it in there when he started?

"Well, don't look at me, you got him the chemistry set!"

'I give all my new teachers the same advice. Never minimize the transformative power of a smile attached to your words.'

'Teacher says I don't pay attention, I have no retention but I'm great at detention.'

"Just teachers' lounge will suffice, Ed."

"What A Party."