Essay Extraordinaire Pillows

"Miss Lopez said she wanted the best student in class to stand up and read their English essay. Then she asked me to do it!"

"By the way, the failing grades you'll be seeing-they won't be virtual."

I drive, therefore I am.

Help wanted!...Ace Software, Inc...Video Game Tournament...Top 5 players get hired!

Teenage Angst.

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

"Darren Eggleston. I saw that!"

'Pause your games, kids! There's a high fly ball deep to center field!'

"Don't forget to click 'Reply All.'"

A man on a desert island has an inbox and outbox both filled with sand.

'The good news is that all the teachers liked the weekend brainstorming retreat. The bad news is that twelve of them are out today with splitting headaches.'

Weather prediction is guesswork.

"Any missed assignments can be excused only with a note from your internet service provider."

"Well, don't look at me, you got him the chemistry set!"

Zinzhoff wins Nobel Prize/Creates life in test tube/Or was it in there when he started?

"Blood sweat and tears. I think it's supposed to make us feel guilty."

"What already?! If it weren't for my extraordinary willpower, I'd be exercising right now!"

'I give all my new teachers the same advice. Never minimize the transformative power of a smile attached to your words.'

'Anyone can get to school on time if he tries hard enough, Eddie.'

'My expense account isn't what it used to be. So for lunch I'm taking you fishing, and we'll eat what we catch.'

'Teacher says I don't pay attention, I have no retention but I'm great at detention.'

'Nobody really agrees about what marriage is these days, so I'll just say 'Yadda yadda yadda.''

"There are thirty four children in my class...thirty one naughty, three nice."

"Enjoy it while you can, kid. It's a really short hop from 'Geek Genius' to 'Quasi-Creepy, Weird-Looking Old Rich Guy!'"

'So in what year did you graduate from the school of hard knocks?'

'Never mind your ideas.. how do you come up with your excuses?'

"Lucky!"

"Damn! - Someone's beaten me to it..!"

'Alice Ferguson can think of more excuses for her golf score! Today it was labor pains!'

"A lot of questions about EVs are cleared up once you start driving one."

'I'm sorry, but the only person Mr. McCoy is looking to hire right now is a good criminal defense lawyer. But I'll be happy to pass you resume on to him.'

"The transcranial magnetic stimulation headband lets me feel my victims' suffering."

When scientists start to look like their projects.

"I kind of did my maths homework... I worked out that if I was going to watch TV and play a video game, I wouldn't have time to do any homework."