Adventurous Job Hunters Gifts

Man to run supermarket (out of town)

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

Over enthusiastic headhunter

"The labor market is awaiting you!"

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

Now hiring.

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate. I'm flexible on location - I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume. I don't think you understand what that mwans. The octopus got the job because he's a great multitasker!

'Refusing to fill in a psychometric test reveals a lot about you, Jones.'

"Tell us something we don't know."

'The Dow finally hit 10,000. Guess happy days are here again.'

"A High-Pain Job? Yes, I believe we have that."

"I'd like to be the first to welcome you to our company. But, I've decided not to hire you."

'I'm sorry, but we are after a different kind of Web expert...'

'I'm willing to pay a hiring bonus to anyone who will hire me.'

'I'm a monarch, but I still pad my resume.'

"...I'm available for interview, at your convenience!"

Lying on your CV

"I may have exaggerated a bit about coming up with a cure for cancer."

"On your resume, under Achievements, what do you mean by 'inspired by actual events'?"

"So, let me get this right. All the job involves is running around a track as fast as I can?"

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

Graduate Job Openings

At last he was ready to plug into online job search.

'With animal welfare reform, I'm having to apply for a job.'

'I like you, Zog, what you lack in polish, you more than compensate for in clout.'

"This job involves travel? Let me call my parole officer and OK it with him."

'We're looking for someone with a killer instinct.'

Employment Office.

'I'm looking over your resum?, there is one opening we have for you.'

"I'm sorry, but I can't hire you. I typed your name in on a search engine, and lazy, selfish, and unmotivated were the categories that came up."

Make sure your CV stands out for the right reasons, and not the wrong ones.