Magical Job Hunter Pillows

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

"This is one of those great jobs you'd be willing to do for free. Will you do it for free?"

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

'Sorry - The position has already been filled."

'You don't want the job, do you?'

'Have you got a resume?'

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

"I'm afraid we have very little in the salary range you're accustomed to."

'You'll be starting out at the bottom.'

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

Your resume is only 8 words long! You're hired!

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

"Do you have any other qualities to offer apart from loyalty?"

"Now I don't want to alarm you, but are you familiar with the term 'On the scrapheap'!"

"Still no offers - sometimes I think I'm the only one using this site."

'For a raise you must apply in person to our Bombay office...'

"Any other strengths?"

'What about the rolls you promised me?'