Mafia Boss Gifts

'Relax... When I said, your husband's swimming with the fishes. I merely meant that he's gone SCUBA diving with the boss.'

Why did the chicken cross the mafia

'Big Mikey will now add a few bullet points.'

Pin it all on the donkey

A pirate in a pinstripe suit makes someone walk the plank

The Dark Side of the Lone Ranger

"He's a potential organ donor so be careful when you whack him."

Track'em Whack'em

'Sammy's going to take you for a little walk.'

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

James Gandolfini 1961-2013

'I thought I told you guys to take him out AT the ballgame.'

"I want you to bring him back, in pieces."

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

"Fangul." Italian sausage.

I always forget - Are we supposed to tip?

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

"You think you're gonna whack me and this will be over?"

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

Cosa Nostradamus: "Listen, you mook. I predict if you don't pay the vig to the Don by tonight you'll be at the bottom of the Hudson by morning."

"I like his style. He makes it look like an accident."

Gangsta wrap.

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

'Aghh! I've been visited by the Russian mafia.'

'Did you get the hit man Frankie?'

"Sorry, Boss, I thought you wanted me to make it look like an accident."

This is your last warning, Jimmy - You break your pinky promise, we break your pinky.

'When did mum stop just sending us to our room?'

'Don Francesco, scusi... But while we were burying Luigi, some joggers ran into us... So we had to bury five corpses altogether...'

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

"Your resume indicates a fair bit of experience in the field of problem solving."

"According to your resume, your last three employers are some of the biggest crime families on the eastern seaboard. I don't know what position you've applied for, but welcome to the company."

"Better idea! Let's obstruct traffic in the guy's neighborhood and make his morning commute difficult!"

"Who, Big Sal? Sure, we were in cahoots years ago, but we fell out of cahoots."