Mafia Humorist Gifts

"The big boot Italy ain't gonna kick the small shoe Sicily no more, capiche?"

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

"Fangul." Italian sausage.

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

Tree Mobsters. 'I didn't hear anything. Did you hear anything?' 'I didn't hear anything.'

I always forget - Are we supposed to tip?

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

"You think you're gonna whack me and this will be over?"

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

Fish mobsters.

Cosa Nostradamus: "Listen, you mook. I predict if you don't pay the vig to the Don by tonight you'll be at the bottom of the Hudson by morning."

Gangsta wrap.

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

"I like his style. He makes it look like an accident."

This is your last warning, Jimmy - You break your pinky promise, we break your pinky.

"Sorry, Boss, I thought you wanted me to make it look like an accident."

'Did you get the hit man Frankie?'

'Aghh! I've been visited by the Russian mafia.'

Why did the chicken cross the mafia

'Don Francesco, scusi... But while we were burying Luigi, some joggers ran into us... So we had to bury five corpses altogether...'

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

Signs reads 'Do Not Feed the Boids.'

After talking one stranger to death, Velma starts in on the next.

'When did mum stop just sending us to our room?'

"Who, Big Sal? Sure, we were in cahoots years ago, but we fell out of cahoots."

"Your resume indicates a fair bit of experience in the field of problem solving."

"According to your resume, your last three employers are some of the biggest crime families on the eastern seaboard. I don't know what position you've applied for, but welcome to the company."

"Make it look like natural selection."

Her brother's on the building opposite with an M16.

Raffia Mafia - "Vinny, there's some nice baskets comin' in through Queens."

'Help! Miami Beach Mafiosi attack!'

'My meeting is running a little late, Marge. Can you reheat dinner when I get home?'

Musical Bad Guys: Scarface Scarlatti, Saxaphone Capone, Machine Gun Grapelli, Meanie Toscaninni, Killer Caruso....

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

'Hi. I'm Don.'