Mafia Stories Gifts

'If you can't distinguish right from wrong, you have no business being the head of a crime family.'

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

'Mafia Online.'

"...if my boss likes what he sees in here, you’ll be rolling in treats."

"Listen, buddy, you'll start talkin' when Jimmy The Hand gets a hold of ya."

"Don't make me warn you again, monkey. Stay outa the curiosity racket."

Make sure he's not wearing a monitor, boys.

'I'll try the Gangster Wrap.'

"Different strokes for different folks, O'Malley. Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes."

'Aye, he'll come up a treat next spring.'

"Fangul." Italian sausage.

Tree Mobsters. 'I didn't hear anything. Did you hear anything?' 'I didn't hear anything.'

I always forget - Are we supposed to tip?

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

"You think you're gonna whack me and this will be over?"

"I did, boss, I swear, I buried him myself."

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

"I like his style. He makes it look like an accident."

"Sorry, Boss, I thought you wanted me to make it look like an accident."

'Aghh! I've been visited by the Russian mafia.'

This is your last warning, Jimmy - You break your pinky promise, we break your pinky.

'Did you get the hit man Frankie?'

'Sure we've got a lot of anger. We also got a lot cement.'

Jonathan Bugsy Seagull

Why did the chicken cross the mafia

'Relax... When I said, your husband's swimming with the fishes. I merely meant that he's gone SCUBA diving with the boss.'

'Don Francesco, scusi... But while we were burying Luigi, some joggers ran into us... So we had to bury five corpses altogether...'

"Your resume indicates a fair bit of experience in the field of problem solving."

"Who, Big Sal? Sure, we were in cahoots years ago, but we fell out of cahoots."

"Better idea! Let's obstruct traffic in the guy's neighborhood and make his morning commute difficult!"

Signs reads 'Do Not Feed the Boids.'

"Make it look like natural selection."

'My meeting is running a little late, Marge. Can you reheat dinner when I get home?'

If we have to come back, I'm gonna bust your kneecaps, and Ira's going to cancel your insurance.