Macabre Marriage Enthusiast Gifts

"Do you Death, take this woman until life do you part?"

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

'...better or worse...better or worse...better or worse...'

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

Disco Dancing

"Hello, and welcome to Victor and Igor's latest unboxing video."

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

Kindly readers, our resident counselor, Sadie Cohen, will be answering actual questions sent to her via email. Prepare to get an earful of wisdom! Dr. Sadie, I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman who I wish to marry but am still reeling from my first marriage scares me. How do I get over that fear? Signed, Fearful in Salt Lake City. Fear is a worthless emotion. It doesn't help at all. What you should be feeling is terror. Run for your life.

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

'You think you're an incurable romantic? My prescription is to get married.'

So all is not rosy in the garden?

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

"I figured you'd end up looking like that."

'I'm not the sitting tenant, I'm your husband.'

'We haven't been seeing eye-to-eye lately.'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, for whatever that's worth these days.'

"I love marriage...It's my husband I hate."

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

"I married for contrast."

Apply to marry multi-marriage failure.

Gender Symbols

Dog to person whose legs are sticking out of doghouse: 'Which important date did you forget this time, Jeff?'

"Why, it's a little piece of red yarn! Oh Harold, you always know JUST what to get me."

"That's Stuart and Vivian Muntner. They're a one-marriage family."

'Don't blame the King, Ma'am. This was all his divorce lawyer's idea.'

"Well, Pook, here's to one old marriage that just won't go away."

"I agreed to 'for better' and 'for worse,' but never to 'for mysterious' and 'withholding'."

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'