Marital Chaos Enthusiasts Gifts

'There you go again, jumping to the wrong conclusions'

The Family Joules: Part 16

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

"So Mr. Claus, there is a Virginia!"

'Separate vacations - four of 'em!'

"Honey have you seen my phone? I can't find it anywhere...I swear I left it on the coffee table but now it's gone..."

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'You were the one who said you'd like him to bring some of his friends home. . .'

"Since when did they start putting perfume in aerosol cans?"

"Family vacation is an oxymoron."

The Nuptials of Miss Pecksniff Receive a Temporary Check

'No more kids, Steve -- I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.'

"My husband's lost some interest...can you tattoo me into a giant remote control?"

'They have TWO trees!'

'Surprise!'

"Did you finally come to an agreement with your wife? Or am I opening old wounds?"

"You might want to take this. It's your wife."

Stories to Keep You Up At Night

The kids are so active we hardly eat together anymore.

"Do you Death, take this woman until life do you part?"

"Harry! You?"

"Oh Oh . . . Looks like our five o'clock wake up call is here!"

"Darling, can you pass me the salt and the pepper spray?"

'I love coming home from work in summer, knowing I still have a long, warm evening in front of me. . . why is my house draining??'

"Yo, Angela! The good news is I found your vibrator..."

"I used to have a Paul Newman role in our marriage, but now I'm taking the Harry Dean Stanton part."

'Can he call you back? He's rehearsing his apology!'

Stout wife who can't fit through a small gap.

Well, not only have I made Iraq a safer place to live, but I've just tidied the kitchen too!

Henry put me on a pedestal