Lover Of Marriage Humor Gifts

I was expecting something else when you said nuptial agreement!

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

His and Hers Wedding

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

"Let's take in a trial."

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"Son, the key to a happy marriage is listening, or at least purr and pretend you are."

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"I decided to spend the money and have my legs waxed."

'I told you he had a temper.'

"You call that worrying?"