Lover Of Marriage Humor Gifts

I was expecting something else when you said nuptial agreement!

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

His and Hers Wedding

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

"Let's take in a trial."

"My husband is missing. I haven't seen him since he started wearing camouflage clothes."

Sorry, I'm already spoken for.

We need to keep him a few days, but we can loan you a courtesy husband until he's ready to go home.

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

"No heroic measures."

"This next tune is dedicated to my wife, who is currently away on a cruise. I call it, 'The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea'."

"You call that worrying?"

"I decided to spend the money and have my legs waxed."