Love's Lamenters Gifts

Joe's Bar: "Forget Her" Hour, 5-8.

Life is for the birds.

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

'Lover's lance isn't the same as it used to be!'

Love is Blind.

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

Cupid

What should we do this fine Sunday? I have an idea. Let's spend the day staring at each other and using pet names. Ahem. You affection is making us ill! They're upset, Monkey Bear. You're so handsome. We're trying to eat!

"It's our most popular gift - a helium cookie."

"I don’t know how many ways I can explain it. One morning you’ll just wake up and know that you’re in love."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

"We REALLY do get better with age."

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

"Everybody meets online these days."

Puppy Love

"Bob, the whole Cupid thing is a metaphor."

"Till death us do part? Don't be so bloody morbid!"

'It started with a kiss - then their nose rings got locked.'

"I was hoping you'd consider this a prelude to a kiss."

Tunnel of Love.

'They were going to get married when they were young, but he kept forgetting the wedding date!'

'That's one of those May-December love affairs. He's 251 years old, and she can't be a day over 135!'

'As a romantic guy, nature always makes me thoughtful. Right now, I think about fast-food restaurant stocks.'

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

'There are lots of fish in the sea.'

Tunnel of Love.

'What, not even a kiss first?'

Heart is sewn back together.

"If this means we're married the future looks gnarly."

Old Love

Enjoying the fishing? Waiting for a bite. Ha! All you want is to spot the cute guy. For your information, I'm looking for fish! Really? My hook is baited I'm trolling. Hope you catch something! Me, too!

Online Dating for Dummies

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."

"How sweet of you to say -- and how dare you!"