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'Single math professor in search of an intelligent woman. Send an example of your favorite equation.'

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

Still searching for my Prince Charming.

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

Biological Cuckoo clock

Financially Secure Romantic with sufficient fire in belly seeks damsel in distress...

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

'Hand me the 'desperates'.'

'I can't talk to my wife - all she says is `Baaah! Baaah!`!

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

"Being a refrigerator magnet is fine, but I wish, for just one day, I could be a chick magnet."

"Sure, I can help you improve your mating call: that's my specialty..."

"...Also, true love is eventually tax deductible."

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

Sue believed that one day she would find her soul mate - and her missing sock.

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

'Do you, Edward, promise to play second fiddle and also pay the piper?'

"I'm not withholding. I'm busy."

It was official. She was desperate.

"Even after all these years, I still find it very exciting using my vote to cancel out your father's."

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

'This sounds good. Sensitive, professional male, 30-35, enjoys long slithers along the beach...'

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

"I investigated your husband, Mrs Adams. He isn't cheating on you. In fact, I'm your husband. We've just really lost touch recently."

"Speed daters! Say hi within the hour!"

Despite wanting to date a man who was 'young at heart', Beryl couldn't help but feel a little disappointed with her blind date.

'Okay, this time we'll try for someone with a really good sense of humour.'

"He's been mentioned as a possible husband."

ACME COMPUTER DATING SERVICE, 'She should be attractive, intelligenty, charming, and funny, or best offer.

'Let's at least give the parabolic mattress a try - the Thompsons swear it saved their marriage.'

Matrimonial Agency "Mating cry"

'I keep looking for a keepr, and all I find are fixer-uppers.'