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'My Mister Right has to be a winner - Lottery preferably!'

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

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"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

"You like taking long walks in the rain? My dogs will love you!"

"It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere, but when was the last time you saw a Mummy-Long-Legs?"

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"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

"I keep reading all these stories about virtual reality nookie."

'Love and marriage?- I'm afraid I can't help you much with that, young fellow.'

"I think you two may hit it off. Craig, here, is an attractive male academic in his early forties who seeks a warm, vivacious woman delighting in conversation, arts, and nature for an evolving romantic commitment, possibly marriage, while you, Vivian, are a good-looking, intelligent, stimulating woman in her late thirties who seeks an educated, unattached, well-bred man concerned with ideas, culture, and the environment with whom to share your life interests and companionship."

They all have one thing in common...they all have bad breath.

"I never said 'I love you'. I said 'I love ya'. Big difference!"

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"Yes, it was good for me - not as good as it was the last time, but probably better than it's going to be the time after this."

'It's almost as if you haven't heard a single word I've thought.'

'If you weren't afraid to commit, you'd CARVE it, not use a pencil.'

'Always the usher, never the bride.'

'The poor thing -- her therapist recommended divorce, and she isn't even married.'

"Sanctuary Vicar, for God's sake, sanctuary."

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"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."

"I met my husband in this bar... well, ex-husband...well, my ex-husband who's my current boyfriend. It's complicated."

"My mating dances were unsuccessful, so I tried reciting poetry: didn't work either..."

'He kept winking at one of the bridesmaids.'

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

"Better hurry it up on that 'Eve' project. Adam's been giving the eye to an orangutan."

"You're looking for love in all the wrong places, Harold."

"Well - I don't know what possessed her..."

'This sounds good. Sensitive, professional male, 30-35, enjoys long slithers along the beach...'

"I really think I can handle this date on my own."