Seeking A Relationship Prints

'My Mister Right has to be a winner - Lottery preferably!'

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

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"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

"It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere, but when was the last time you saw a Mummy-Long-Legs?"

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

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"You like taking long walks in the rain? My dogs will love you!"

"I keep reading all these stories about virtual reality nookie."

As our CEO-in-Chief has demonstrated, it's good for a businessman to surround himself with children who'll cover for … I mean, help him. I've tried adopting a baby, but the agency grew suspicious just because I asked for the type least likely to sell out its parent. Unfortunately, I can't just clone myself. I need an actual mate if I want to produce accomplices ... I mean "off-spring." Your job, minion, is to craft a date-a-dude.com profile for me that'll recruit ... I mean "attract" a suitable

"I think you two may hit it off. Craig, here, is an attractive male academic in his early forties who seeks a warm, vivacious woman delighting in conversation, arts, and nature for an evolving romantic commitment, possibly marriage, while you, Vivian, are a good-looking, intelligent, stimulating woman in her late thirties who seeks an educated, unattached, well-bred man concerned with ideas, culture, and the environment with whom to share your life interests and companionship."

'Love and marriage?- I'm afraid I can't help you much with that, young fellow.'

Ask Sadie is back. You're on, caller. What's your problem? My wife finally answered my emails. She wants me back. She says she's sorry she left me for her personal trainer. She said making mad, passionate love to him has become unfulfilling. She said she's tired of the excitement, tired of his fancy house, tired of the lavish trips around the world, and tired of him not snoring like a jackhammer, like I always do. Let go and move on, you ninny!!! She said she's especially tired of his ability to

They all have one thing in common...they all have bad breath.

"I never said 'I love you'. I said 'I love ya'. Big difference!"

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'It's almost as if you haven't heard a single word I've thought.'

'Always the usher, never the bride.'

'If you weren't afraid to commit, you'd CARVE it, not use a pencil.'

"Yes, it was good for me - not as good as it was the last time, but probably better than it's going to be the time after this."

"My mating dances were unsuccessful, so I tried reciting poetry: didn't work either..."

"I really think I can handle this date on my own."

Ask Sadie. Sadie, how do you keep the romance alive in a senior relationship? Signed, Randy. *Actual reader question. I'd like to bring in my correspondent to handle this one. Oh, do I have to, Snookums? I don't know what to say to these people. I think I'm going to take a pass. DO IT OR NO NOOKIE FOR YOU UNTIL 2029. Communication and compromise.

"I met my husband in this bar... well, ex-husband...well, my ex-husband who's my current boyfriend. It's complicated."

"Better hurry it up on that 'Eve' project. Adam's been giving the eye to an orangutan."

'He kept winking at one of the bridesmaids.'

'The poor thing -- her therapist recommended divorce, and she isn't even married.'

"You're looking for love in all the wrong places, Harold."

"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."

'How will I know when I've found my soul mate, Fang?'

"Well - I don't know what possessed her..."

"Sanctuary Vicar, for God's sake, sanctuary."

COMPUTER DATING SERVICE, 'I'm not sure we have a girl with THAT good a sense of humor.'

'This sounds good. Sensitive, professional male, 30-35, enjoys long slithers along the beach...'