Seeking Romantic Relationship Pillows

"I think you two may hit it off. Craig, here, is an attractive male academic in his early forties who seeks a warm, vivacious woman delighting in conversation, arts, and nature for an evolving romantic commitment, possibly marriage, while you, Vivian, are a good-looking, intelligent, stimulating woman in her late thirties who seeks an educated, unattached, well-bred man concerned with ideas, culture, and the environment with whom to share your life interests and companionship."

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

Kissable Frogs in Your Area

"We met the old fashioned way – online, in a chat room."

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

"No, I'm not building a raft. I'm building a double bed!"

Tunnel of stormy love.

"Trust me, Brad, those comedy sound effects aren't a reflection of how this is going."

"She won't be long, I'm just putting her face on."

'Don't even think about it!'

"She's a Rolex. He's a Timex."

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

"It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere, but when was the last time you saw a Mummy-Long-Legs?"

"You like taking long walks in the rain? My dogs will love you!"

See? This is precisely why we don't encourage office romances.

'He must be serious,mum - he's taking me out again tomorrow and there's football on television.'

Woman checks man's pockets to find hidden wedding ring

'What are you doing trying to tempt me?? I told you I was through with you!!'

'Love and marriage?- I'm afraid I can't help you much with that, young fellow.'

They all have one thing in common...they all have bad breath.

"I need a man who will commit."

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

COMPUTER DATING SERVICE, 'I'm not sure we have a girl with THAT good a sense of humor.'

"C major 7, F major 7. . . and that's been the story of my life."

"Of course he hasn't called - you bit off his head."

'I have a buy-one-get-one coupon for when this marriage doesn't work out.'

"Okay, I'll wear a tie."

"With the courage from that one drink I'll tell you I've been faking my squeal for years."

A Trying Moment.

'She must be the girl for you, son, look how much your mother dislikes her.'

A princess looking for frogs

'For a romantic anniversary I thought we'd go back to where we first met.'

"Better living through cloning."

"Fine – if they all want to meet online, screw them."