Long Journey Jokesters Gifts

Let's stop at the next exit. We may need an antacid, if I read the sign correctly."

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

Airport Security.

Sometimes nature not only calls; she makes an emergency breakthrough.

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

Mom and Dad Really Lose It - 1/4 Mile.

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

Farts.

You're Here. Man, You Really Look Like An Idiot!

'On the outside I'm all ho-ho-ho. But inside I feel weak and shaky, like a bowl full of jelly.'

"People are way too casual when they fly these days."

"So how does New York stack up against Uzbekistan?"

"Your brochure led me to believe it'd have a more temperate climate."

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

"No, I said, 'You turn here, not, 'U-Turn here'."

Customs caution: rabid tarantulas with AIDS inside

"... Yes, I know there's a hole in your ceiling. Why do you think we're called, the star view motel?"

"Oh, bugger!"

Lav-Mummie

Excess Baggage: Never let your wife pack for your business trip while she is mad at you.

You Should Be Here

"In my defense it is an exit and the line was really long..."

Pamplona bull instructions - Running with the Idiots.

"Attention. This is your captain screaming!"

You won't get seasick if you focus on something far away. Good --- I'll think about the federal budget being balanced.

"Did you leave your bag unattended or trade your cow for magic beans?"

"Sarge, I think I've found the owner of that driverless sleigh discovered up north!"

"Let's tell him we've been good. He probably won't call our bluff."

Santa Claus

'Remember you insisted we came away to forget-well I forgot to pack your case!!!'

'So where are you going?'

Snakes Without Masks On A Plane

"We no longer accept snakes as emotional support animals."

'Why the Coyote Crossed the Road?'

"Did you notice the 30 mph sign back there?"