Long Journey Jokesters Pillows

Let's stop at the next exit. We may need an antacid, if I read the sign correctly."

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

Airport Security.

Sometimes nature not only calls; she makes an emergency breakthrough.

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

Mom and Dad Really Lose It - 1/4 Mile.

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

Farts.

You're Here. Man, You Really Look Like An Idiot!

'On the outside I'm all ho-ho-ho. But inside I feel weak and shaky, like a bowl full of jelly.'

"No, I said, 'You turn here, not, 'U-Turn here'."

"So how does New York stack up against Uzbekistan?"

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

"People are way too casual when they fly these days."

Customs caution: rabid tarantulas with AIDS inside

"In my defense it is an exit and the line was really long..."

You Should Be Here

"... Yes, I know there's a hole in your ceiling. Why do you think we're called, the star view motel?"

Lav-Mummie

"Attention. This is your captain screaming!"

Excess Baggage: Never let your wife pack for your business trip while she is mad at you.

Pamplona bull instructions - Running with the Idiots.

"Oh, bugger!"

"Did you leave your bag unattended or trade your cow for magic beans?"

Santa Claus

"Sarge, I think I've found the owner of that driverless sleigh discovered up north!"

'Remember you insisted we came away to forget-well I forgot to pack your case!!!'

'So where are you going?'

"Let's tell him we've been good. He probably won't call our bluff."

Snakes Without Masks On A Plane

"We no longer accept snakes as emotional support animals."

'Why the Coyote Crossed the Road?'

"Finally! I'm saved!"

I suffered a freak accident several years ago where I lost all of my fingers except my middle one, so I'm not really giving you the finger, I'm just trying to thumb a ride.