Joke Journeyer Gifts

You won't get seasick if you focus on something far away. Good --- I'll think about the federal budget being balanced.

"Behold the secret to happiness."

It's a Whole Field of Paisley!

Airport Security.

'I'm going to give you something for your depression - it's an airline ticket to the Bahamas!'

"Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi!"

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

The Paper Route

"Behold the secret to happiness."

Sometimes nature not only calls; she makes an emergency breakthrough.

"Were you using your mobile?" "How could I possibly? I've had my hands full eating and smoking!"

'I told you that parrot didn't know how to navigate.'

Farts.

"Airbnb?"

You're Here. Man, You Really Look Like An Idiot!

Alf and Misery Guts

'Our fifteenth anniversary -- the adventure continues!'

'Ah! The great INDOORS!'

"Excuse me, Captain, but one of the passengers would like to know if you could land in a field so they can make a quick phone call."

"Their entire planet is coated in things called doodads, tchotchkes, trinkets, knick-knacks, bric-a-brac, and clutter."

'Backseat driver...'

"I'm just saying. . . it wouldn't have hurt to check the price of an airline ticket."

"No, I said, 'You turn here, not, 'U-Turn here'."

The bus home.

"How about a discount for the little lady, pal, as your way of saying thanks for the bailout?"

"People are way too casual when they fly these days."

A person thinking happy thoughts that insulate him from the gloom around him

Customs caution: rabid tarantulas with AIDS inside

Bike Rides

"Oh, bugger!"

Excess Baggage: Never let your wife pack for your business trip while she is mad at you.

Lav-Mummie

'I see Wavecrest's changed hands...'

"In my defense it is an exit and the line was really long..."

"Attention. This is your captain screaming!"