Joking Journeyman Gifts

"How about a discount for the little lady, pal, as your way of saying thanks for the bailout?"

'Did you mark the place we caught those fish last year? Yes, I put a cross on the side of the boat.' - 'You fool. We might get a different boat this time.'

"Look, if I had all the answers, would I be living alone on the top of a mountain?"

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

"I hate this time of year."

"Susan! The Johnson's dog is chasing me while I'm jogging again!"

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

''Born again'? -- but I was just born five years ago!'

Cleaning the Horse

Farts.

"I guess I always wanted to be an electrician. As a little boy, I ran away to join the circuits."

I think when they talk about 'taking more excercise' they meant more than lifting the remote control.

"You know that on-line romance you've been carryin' on? Well this here's Samantha!"

'I'll never forget that day as long as I live. I was in court, delivering my final arguments in a pesky little environmental case, and I actually felt my conscience leave my body!'

'No, I haven't taken up jogging...A velociprator was after me!'

'It's chaps like you who are the backbone of these expeditions,Fanshaw.'

"What a listener. My burden feels lighter already."

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

Me, Alice and God

'I ran the mile in two minutes. I took a short cut.'

"He's the guy I'm interested in. He's just not the kind of guy I'm interested in."

'One second - wo seconds - three seconds - four seconds -one hour...'

Speed enforced by really slow walkers.

'I want to tap into my higher self.'

'Saint Francis changes his mind about animals'

'What's this?' - 'Your sealed orders, not to be opened till 7 furlongs.'

'What makes you so sure this is good for my health?'

'When I'm in the saddle I'm part of the horse.' - 'Yes, but which part?'

Pamplona bull instructions - Running with the Idiots.

Harold's problem is that he puts his pants on two legs at a time.

"... Yes, I know there's a hole in your ceiling. Why do you think we're called, the star view motel?"