Joking Jumper Gifts

'One second - wo seconds - three seconds - four seconds -one hour...'

Chase me, chase me cows.

"Well, that's the only song we know, so we can play it another two or three times, or we can cut our losses. Waddya say, Cleveland?"

"Bed Spread"

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

Leaping

Girl in Yellow Jumper

"I hate this time of year."

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

"Susan! The Johnson's dog is chasing me while I'm jogging again!"

You make me feel more like a veterinarian than a psychiatrist, Al. Why is that, Dr. Kapuchnik? Because you're one sick puppy.

Trapped on the Pole Vault.

'You made me jump.'

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

"I'm a writer/painter/filmmaker/poet/actor/comedian, manic-depressive goes without saying."

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

I think when they talk about 'taking more excercise' they meant more than lifting the remote control.

'When did the treadmill replace the rat race?'

"At least you made it into the hallway."

I'm not just jumping on the bed. I'm perfecting bedspring-cusion calasthentics!

"The Chairman will be on shortly, I'm just the warm-up guy."

Riding instructor waits to fish a child out of jumping obstacle.

'Is he taking the piss?'

'Just a minute, I forgot something.'

'No, I haven't taken up jogging...A velociprator was after me!'

"I love my job. It's people laughing at me I can't handle."

"Remind me to never take the shortcut through the Christmas Sweater workshop."

"You're gonna love this guy's act. He's, like, 'not funny, funny, not funny.'"

"Ya know, no mask or hand sanitizer can spare you from spring fever."

Airport Security. I had to go through the security pat-down three times --- They had trouble believing this is just my body and I'm not hiding anything.

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

"How about a discount for the little lady, pal, as your way of saying thanks for the bailout?"

'I ran the mile in two minutes. I took a short cut.'