Jokesters On The Road Gifts

"Did you notice the 30 mph sign back there?"

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'Wow, Jimmy, that's pretty good!'

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Tortoise and hare on treadmills.

Extremely Practical Jokes.

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

Sometimes nature not only calls; she makes an emergency breakthrough.

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

Warning! Stay off the biotech lawn.

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

"We'd wanted to adopt for years, and then along came this absolutely adorable little roundabout."

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Farts.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

"You know darn well my maiden name wasn't Rex. Why do you ask?"

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

That's no largemouth bass, son - You caught yourself a rare blabbermouth bass. I'm nothin'! A nobody! Throw me back and I'll show you where the really big fish are!

"Yes, but you're a half hour late in dog minutes."

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

Snail slow to react to an ant's joke.

Robot porn.

'Any idea why your boyfriend is handing out cigars in the pub?'

Junior's switch to electronic chewing tobacco was short-lived.