Local Legends Admirers Gifts

"What do you mean, you don't know who I am? I am Ralph. Ralph! Surely you have heard of Ralph."

'Wow! That was some world series, Ella! Both Pujols and Holland were just amazing...'

Pete Sampras

Man runs into Bigfoot taking a selfie.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

Channelling on the Cheap

"We need rain."

Bradley Wiggins

Vampire on a plane

Noah's Ark leaves pair of unicorns behind

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

Revenge Of The Tipped Cows

"I'm all over the Internet, so why hide? I might as well come out and enjoy myself."

'Sorry guys, I've checked: The Moon is not made of cheese...'

Jozef Golonka

"Oh him, that's Ron. He's a permanent fixture in here."

"So that's Ireland."

"There! I heard it again!"

"Why doesn't Ken Burns make a documentary about this?"

Loch Ness.

'It isn't polite to point.'

Joachim Low

"Ow! Ow! Ow!"

Nobody suspects it but the entrance to hell is in the building at 122c, Willow Street.

Muhammad Ali

"We see this on occasion. People become self-actualized and empowered and they spontaneously combust."

Pelé

"No, I'm afraid that doesn't count."

'Well, Mrs. Farnsworth, I'm afraid you've got Druids!'

"Remember, it's bad luck to eat a building that has a 13th floor."

"I always wondered if UFO's were real!"

'The nearest boozer? You're talking to him!'

The Headless Horseman moves to the suburbs.

"Welcome to New Jersey, the 'What is that smell?' state."

Man finds a rat in his hamburger