Loan Skeptic Gifts

'Do you have poor credit? . . . Visit paydayloanshark.com for instant cash!'

"If you had $1,000, and I asked you for a loan of $23.47, what percent of your original money would you left?"

"...Yes, of course you have to pay it back. That's why it's called a student LOAN!"

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

"I'm worried. We're small enough to fail, but not big enough to be bailed out!"

The Public Option

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

'Well, there's another strikeout. ... get that bat company on the phone. I'm having second thoughts about their so-called 'volume discount.''

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'

The private sector is a parasite on the economy.

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

loan

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

And your repayment period starts...Now!

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

Bank. 18 month CD 1.0815255645% Paying More digits than any other bank. Interest rates are so low! It's hard to believe this CD has reached maturity --- Just look at how little it's grown! Investing seems extremely risky these days. There's no safe place to get a decent return. They always say investing is a roller coaster. Yeah, but it's not true. On a roller coaster you get back to where you started!

Guide to Working Class Investing

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.

Sacking a unprofitable patient

"Have you ever wanted something so bad that you'd actually save up the money to buy it?"

'The good news is that I managed to install the wind turbine...'

"I invested $1000 in Nortel and now my shares are worth 18 cents."