Literal Thinking Fan Gifts

"You're 30 now. Where do you see yourself in five years?" "Thirty five."

"Well, we needed the rain."

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

"Gone with the wind with cats" "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." "Me neither, who cares—let's take a nap."

'You want a quick read? How about this one: 'Memoirs of an Amnesic'?'

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

'Tarzan interviewing for a position as a corporate lawyer.' An interviewer asks, 'When we go against the gorillas, how can we be sure that you won't forget which side you're representing?'

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

Arthur Schopenhauer

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

"Feel better, dear?"

"Caption contest"

"What can you do with him?"

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

'I like thinking inside the box.'

"My doctor said I have 'a reptile dysfunction.'"

"I beg your pardon," said Alice, "but which of you is the Democrat?"

'Kindly explain to His Majesty that I didn't mean 'nincompoop' in the pejorative sense.'

It's not a figure of speech - this is the corporate ladder.

Rabbits picknick

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

Well, yes, it's a free library, but...

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

'When it said in her profile that she's a cosmo girl, I had something entirely different in mind!'

GARDU VIN! (BEWARE!). Clown sees several pies to beware of.

Correct Spelling Lane.

(Gallerie Martorelli) (Art-Babble spoken here)

Meet The Ghostwriter

Winnie the Pooh bungey jumping

'When I said, throw him out, I didn't mean it literally.'

'I'm still trying to build up a following here, but I'm huge in Lilliput.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

"Always remember - what happens in the pea-green boat stays in the pea-green boat."

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'