Magical Thinking Fan Gifts

Genie - 'I grant you one wish!' Girl - 'Neuter all men!'

"He also barks, meows and makes noises like a hamster."

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

Arthur Schopenhauer

"Caption contest"

"You're 30 now. Where do you see yourself in five years?" "Thirty five."

'Of course, the future isn't what it used to be.'

'My secret is putting the toil in first and adding the trouble just as it comes to a boil.'

"My psychic tells me I was a glass of water in a previous life."

"Yes, I see where you left your phone."

'This is a prerecorded message. Thank you for rubbing me. Please state your name and your wish. I will get back to you as soon as possible.'

Magical box of chocolates.

"Have you had any sharp, needle-like stabbing pains all over your body lately?"

'Have any of you guys seen a crap magician with a magic top hat?'

Your karma will catch up with you!

Therapist with a jack-o-lantern head talks to their patient who is a witch.

'Don't rush me! I need some time to process everything.'

Fat Kid 27- Makes a slug

'Fortune cookies aren't fun for me. I always know my fortune in advance.'

"Get Doc Weston and tell him I have a fever and to come over quick. We have a show to do tonight."

The slow cooker changed everything

STRIP Hambone: Computer is a know-it-all

"So...you drive stick."

'There, you see?... There aren't any humans hiding under your bed.'

"Ok you there, text me a number, any number..."

"I brake for milk & cookies"

'I see you haven't paid me yet!'

"You have a strong interest in sports."

'We should talk more.'

"But if he's right, it'll save us years of experimenting."

Patrolman writes ticket for witch's broom parked illegally.