Literal Humor Fan Gifts

'I hate it when people vote with their feet'

Woman walking past Five Guys.

"Next time, don't demand unmarked, small bills!"

"I hate sitting in traffic."

Skipping Horse

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"You're going to hate yourself."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

The Brothers Grime

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

10 K Tail-Chase

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Trump Poutine

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

A Golden Non-Retriever

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

The Snooze Bar.

Dog in casino.

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

Beer Parasol.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

Winter Weather.

To encourage patients to take their medication, Dr. Gratner brought in a sketch artist to show them what they will look like in six months without meds.