Literal Humor Lover Gifts

"D'you think he's taking it too literally?"

"I said 'follow,' not stalk your bliss!"

"You'd better change your ways soon, young man, because you're skating on pretty thin ice right now."

"Hallo...local hospital? I understand you're short on beds."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Larry's used art

Grace For Flies

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

"Why do they do that?"

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Remember only you can prevent forest fires.'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

Man painting over a 'You are here' sign.

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

"States of tofu"

Fly Football

"It's not the persistent lack of sunlight or freezing temperatures that bother me - it's the crowds I can't stand."

Beach con-man.

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'

"Hmm...well...It'll look better when it's finished...!"