Literal Humor Fan Pillows

'I hate it when people vote with their feet'

Woman walking past Five Guys.

"Next time, don't demand unmarked, small bills!"

"I hate sitting in traffic."

Skipping Horse

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"You're going to hate yourself."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

The Brothers Grime

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

Trump Poutine

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

A Golden Non-Retriever

Dog in casino.

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

Beer Parasol.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

Winter Weather.

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

'Joe has been partying hard!'