Linguistic Fan Gifts

"Perhaps sir should try our wolf department."

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

'He spoke his first words today Serge - 'ello. . . ello. . . ello'!'

"Nd how did tht mke u feel?"

"Hair spray"

Danth battle?

"Bet she says 'moo' before she says 'oink'."

"That's not what I meant by changing gear, Mrs.Robinson!"

"My doctor said I have 'a reptile dysfunction.'"

Correct Spelling Lane.

(Gallerie Martorelli) (Art-Babble spoken here)

GARDU VIN! (BEWARE!). Clown sees several pies to beware of.

'Kindly explain to His Majesty that I didn't mean 'nincompoop' in the pejorative sense.'

'Once a donzel, the dyvour now settled for orts.'

'I don't like this part. 'Please find enclosed the inclusion of my enclosure'.'

"She introduces herself as Drosophila Melanogaster, but everyone knows she's just a common fruit fly."

'She's got a speech impediment.'

"He's at grade level for everything except cursing. He's swearing at a 9th grade level."

'Her being multi-lingual has it's drawbacks I'm afraid-she nags me in SIX languages!'

"You don't need to sacrifice good grammar in order to talk dirty."

'When did 'At Ease' become 'Chill'?'

Things we rarely hear: Bow...er...wow...er..um...woof/like tweet, I mean, y'know, tweet/whatchamacallit moo...

Simultaneous translation.

"All those in favor of saying 'It's a wrap' instead of 'Meeting adjourned' say 'Aye.' "

"And look sir - here's another interesting derivative of that phrase..."

Back Down

"Can you recommend a good exercise program?"

'You mean to ssssay we have sssspeach imedimentssss?'

Board on Baby

"Spell "orange." "The fruit or the colour, Miss?"

'I think it's finally accurate to say that literally everyone is misusing the word 'literally'.'