Linguistic Fan Pillows

"Perhaps sir should try our wolf department."

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

Danth battle?

"Nd how did tht mke u feel?"

"Bet she says 'moo' before she says 'oink'."

"Hair spray"

'He spoke his first words today Serge - 'ello. . . ello. . . ello'!'

"That's not what I meant by changing gear, Mrs.Robinson!"

"My doctor said I have 'a reptile dysfunction.'"

GARDU VIN! (BEWARE!). Clown sees several pies to beware of.

'Kindly explain to His Majesty that I didn't mean 'nincompoop' in the pejorative sense.'

(Gallerie Martorelli) (Art-Babble spoken here)

'Once a donzel, the dyvour now settled for orts.'

Correct Spelling Lane.

'I don't like this part. 'Please find enclosed the inclusion of my enclosure'.'

"She introduces herself as Drosophila Melanogaster, but everyone knows she's just a common fruit fly."

'She's got a speech impediment.'

'Her being multi-lingual has it's drawbacks I'm afraid-she nags me in SIX languages!'

"He's at grade level for everything except cursing. He's swearing at a 9th grade level."

"You don't need to sacrifice good grammar in order to talk dirty."

'When did 'At Ease' become 'Chill'?'

Things we rarely hear: Bow...er...wow...er..um...woof/like tweet, I mean, y'know, tweet/whatchamacallit moo...

"All those in favor of saying 'It's a wrap' instead of 'Meeting adjourned' say 'Aye.' "

Simultaneous translation.

"And look sir - here's another interesting derivative of that phrase..."

"Spell "orange." "The fruit or the colour, Miss?"

'You mean to ssssay we have sssspeach imedimentssss?'

"Can you recommend a good exercise program?"

Back Down

'I think it's finally accurate to say that literally everyone is misusing the word 'literally'.'

'We don't seem to be doing well in the foreign beverage market. However, due to a mistranslation of our slogan we've become the leading international provider of embalming fluid.'