Linguistics Fan Pillows

Things we rarely hear: Bow...er...wow...er..um...woof/like tweet, I mean, y'know, tweet/whatchamacallit moo...

"And look sir - here's another interesting derivative of that phrase..."

"My doctor said I have 'a reptile dysfunction.'"

"Window Pain"

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

(Gallerie Martorelli) (Art-Babble spoken here)

Jean Chrétien: I don't speak good English, but I French very well!

'Kindly explain to His Majesty that I didn't mean 'nincompoop' in the pejorative sense.'

'You mean to ssssay we have sssspeach imedimentssss?'

Smoke Signals

Correct Spelling Lane.

"I like clichés. They're verbal comfort food."

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

'Do you always have to shout? Well? Do you? Huh?'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

'Diver caught scallops - is that a description of what happened or a compound adjective'

Irritable Vowel Syndrome: "EEEIIIOOOAAA AUUUEEE!!"

The Oxford Comma Coin

"Hair spray"

"Nd how did tht mke u feel?"

Wordplay: Nonstarter.

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

'He spoke his first words today Serge - 'ello. . . ello. . . ello'!'

'Well? - Now that we've learned to talk, aren't you going to admit that you were wrong?'

'Yes, I speak perfect English, I have to 'cause you English are too bloody lazy to learn French!'

Sign on Roget's Thesaurus, Inc.: 'Absent Ingesting Comestibles'

"No, those people aren't anorexic. Those people are starving."

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

Barbed Pen

'Once a donzel, the dyvour now settled for orts.'

"We’re leveraging knowledge of niche opportunities to maximize strategic advantages."

Witch's spell check.

GARDU VIN! (BEWARE!). Clown sees several pies to beware of.

"He's a fine talker, but can you understand Portuguese?"