Linguistics Fans Gifts

"Hair spray"

'Oh, it's different alright...but I'm not sure how much demand there'll be for a Noam Chomsky impersonator.'

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"Wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . ."

'Do you always have to shout? Well? Do you? Huh?'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

Fred interpreted the word compact as a verb, not as an adjective.

'Diver caught scallops - is that a description of what happened or a compound adjective'

The Oxford Comma Coin

Wordplay: Nonstarter.

'He spoke his first words today Serge - 'ello. . . ello. . . ello'!'

Irritable Vowel Syndrome: "EEEIIIOOOAAA AUUUEEE!!"

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

"Don't forget to call it a 'procedure'—it makes it less scary."

'Well? - Now that we've learned to talk, aren't you going to admit that you were wrong?'

'Yes, I speak perfect English, I have to 'cause you English are too bloody lazy to learn French!'

Sign on Roget's Thesaurus, Inc.: 'Absent Ingesting Comestibles'

"No, those people aren't anorexic. Those people are starving."

"My doctor said I have 'a reptile dysfunction.'"

'Now that we've learned to talk, we can have FOCUS GROUPS!'

"Well that answers that question!"

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

Communicating with clients without using buzzwords posed a challenge for the consultants.

Witch's spell check.

"He's a fine talker, but can you understand Portuguese?"

Barbed Pen

'Once a donzel, the dyvour now settled for orts.'

(Gallerie Martorelli) (Art-Babble spoken here)

"We’re leveraging knowledge of niche opportunities to maximize strategic advantages."

Maternity ward: 'Baby talk spoken here.'

Correct Spelling Lane.

'Kindly explain to His Majesty that I didn't mean 'nincompoop' in the pejorative sense.'

GARDU VIN! (BEWARE!). Clown sees several pies to beware of.