Linguistic Fanatic Gifts

"Oh no! The dog's eaten the Thesaurus"

'This guy loves giving stump speeches. Ironically, they're all against deforestation.'

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'Do you always have to shout? Well? Do you? Huh?'

'Diver caught scallops - is that a description of what happened or a compound adjective'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

The Oxford Comma Coin

Wordplay: Nonstarter.

"Hair spray"

When a speaker says '...to make a long story short,' you've already been there 3 hours.

Irritable Vowel Syndrome: "EEEIIIOOOAAA AUUUEEE!!"

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

Mr Punch's Illustrations to Shakspeare.

Hottest Tix in TownSpecial Mets promotion dates

A General tries to get rid of peace.

'Well? - Now that we've learned to talk, aren't you going to admit that you were wrong?'

Sign on Roget's Thesaurus, Inc.: 'Absent Ingesting Comestibles'

'Yes, I speak perfect English, I have to 'cause you English are too bloody lazy to learn French!'

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

"No, those people aren't anorexic. Those people are starving."

"My doctor said I have 'a reptile dysfunction.'"

"He's a fine talker, but can you understand Portuguese?"

"We’re leveraging knowledge of niche opportunities to maximize strategic advantages."

Barbed Pen

'Kindly explain to His Majesty that I didn't mean 'nincompoop' in the pejorative sense.'

"I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman but, hang on a minute, I'm pretty sure I have the heart and stomach of a king, too..."

(Gallerie Martorelli) (Art-Babble spoken here)

'Once a donzel, the dyvour now settled for orts.'

Correct Spelling Lane.

'I don't like this part. 'Please find enclosed the inclusion of my enclosure'.'

'So, the memo said, 'twenty-one gnu salute' huh?'

"Mom, Dad, sis-I'm not like you. I'm-I'm not a palindrome."