Linguistic Acrobat Gifts

Auditioning for Finnegans Wake.

Shampoo.

Campaign for Plain English

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"I stand corrected."

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"I said to get a Tomcat, not a wombat!"

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

How a poet works

'Two famous French wines.' 'Red and white.'

'Will you marry me, Gloria?'

'I'll try to keep my remarks brief.'

'Looks more fun than it is. I never realized pole dancing was so tough.'

Wordplay: Mandate - Escort Agency.

Translating . . . poetry.

"I think I've eaten something that hasn't agreed with me."

Artichoking victim

Heart To Heart

Dolphin tricks.

"I've been window-shopping..."

'I don't like this part. 'Please find enclosed the inclusion of my enclosure'.'

"It's a stream of consciousness novel like 'Ulysses' I just sort of sat down and wrote it without even thinking of a plot have you had drink I', going to get a seat where do you come from it's hot in here I like blue do you like blue..."

"It's the first week of school and already I have a 10-page report due tomorrow!"

'I ask you, Larry the Landscaper, did you ever, under any circumstances, promise anyone a rose garden?'

"I lost the spelling bee on the word 'gangsta.' "

"You think you're pretty holy, huh!"

"I don't understand what people are saying up here."

'Doctor, my speech bubble has slipped!'

'Her being multi-lingual has it's drawbacks I'm afraid-she nags me in SIX languages!'

"This isn't bad. Ten per cent all A's."

Dinosaurs of the Palindromic Era.

"You don't need to sacrifice good grammar in order to talk dirty."

'What does surrender mean?'

Simultaneous translation.