Lighthearted Lutheran Gifts

"I haven't confirmed it personally, but I hear the Lutherans have the best coffee."

Push for Disco...

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

Going Down?

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

'Hey, what's with all this 'God forbid' stuff?'

"Faith cannot be bought. We do, however, offer an attractive leasing option."

"Can we role-play a couple who are too tired to have sex?"

'Frankly, I don't remember why I called this meeting.'

"I guess what I miss most is being drunk."

"Stay back. I don't know what he's got, but I'm afraid it's catching."

Wheels for all purposes.

Jesus the comedian.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you how long it's been since he had a bowel movement."

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

Pigeon Breeders' Association.

"I'm afraid I'm kind of a klutz."

"Call me!"

"John, how are you gonna Baptize me when you throw like a girl?"

'Are you on HRT?'

I hope I didn't hear you correctly, Lance. Actually, I hope so too, Gloria.

'When you get closed down I'd be willing to take any dirty books off your hands.'

Ratted!

"So Jesus, do you prefer Methodist or Lutheran?"

"I'm sorry, but I've forgotten your name."

"This personal lubricant has an expiration date of 2025 - just saying."

"erm...rethink..Adam and Eric doesn't seem to work..."