Lighthearted Theologians Gifts

Jesus the comedian.

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

At the 2021 Religious Games

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

Hot cross buns

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

"Thou Shalt not Covid thy Neighbor's Wife!"

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

'Hey, what's with all this 'God forbid' stuff?'

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

'I had multiple personalities.'

'I see you've been chasing parked cars again. Wanna talk about it?'

John the Baptist was clothed in camels hair and eight locusts.

"But Mom said to ask YOU!"

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"It's an apple pie, try it..."

"Oh, I don't mind being called 'Reaper', it's the 'Grim' part that gets me...my name is actually Darryl and I'm a pretty happy guy!"

Forgive me Father for I have sinned

If there are eclipses of the sun and eclipses of the moon, how come there are never any eclipses of the earth? Can we continue this tomorrow? It's getting dark.

"Life's too short to be taken seriously..."

Jesus Fish

'I sure wouldn't want to be MY brother's keeper!'

"John, how are you gonna Baptize me when you throw like a girl?"

Adan and Eve.

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

I think you've eaten enough fireflies, Ed.

I don't let my conscience be my guide, I consider it more of a wingman.