Lighter Collector Gifts

"Let's see if I can't turn that down a little."

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Rudolph goes green (compact flourescent nose)

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Bribes for Jabs

'If I told you what I wished for, you'd probably slap me.'

'Ideas.com' desk with a 'come' tray and a 'gone' tray.

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

'It's a farton, fartoff lamp!'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

"Want to impress me with that hammer? Try using it to fix a few things around here."

'Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know the drill.'

'You know, there's no need to reinvent the rock.'

Al's Farm Equipment: Our Prices Can't Be Beat!

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

'It's my latest novel, 'Hard Times' part 2.'

No, I'm not going to aim at that mouse, either!

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

Lighthouse powered by batteries.

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'Would it have killed you to go with a store-bought model?'

The Appearance of the Gatling Machine-Gun in 1864 caught the world by surprise.

Weapons of War Through the Ages.

"I love the popping sounds on old vinyl LPs..."

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"The only think we'll be able to shoot at soon will be that right to roam lot..."

"I wonder what this was for."

"Hey, Dad, guess what? My Honus Wagner baseball card is worth $2.1 million!"

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'