Light Bulb Collectors Gifts

The whole "lasts longer" thing isn't really necessary here in eternity.

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Rudolph goes green (compact flourescent nose)

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'If I told you what I wished for, you'd probably slap me.'

'Ideas.com' desk with a 'come' tray and a 'gone' tray.

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

'It's a farton, fartoff lamp!'

Glass and Porcelain Store: Elephants must remain outside.

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

"Would the owner of the 1985 Ford station wagon, license plate METAL-1, please move your car so that the ice-cream truck can get through?"

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

No, I'm not going to aim at that mouse, either!

"I'm glad I don't have to put gas in it. the downside is that it takes a lot of time to put 3,000 AA batteries in it."

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

'I know it looks silly, but they say his prophecies have regained their old accuracy.'

"Your third wish should have been to make the first two wishes tax free."

The public was right

Man with candle in thought bubble, "Ideas before Edison"

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

'I'm terribly sorry. I thought it said 'gods'.'

"I wonder what this was for."

'Just one more and this puppy is headed for another bar.'

"Hey, Dad, guess what? My Honus Wagner baseball card is worth $2.1 million!"

'Are you sure energy efficient isn't just a nice way of saying you're not too bright?'

'How old is this vase?'

"I never expected you to pay through the nose."