Lamp Collector Gifts

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

Larvae Lamps.

"Baby, I dig a big boned gal."

Tall soldier asking a short man with a lamp on his head to light his pipe

"Wow, another rat."

Laga Lamp.

'It's a farton, fartoff lamp!'

Mon is reading by the light of the eye of providence.

Spot Light

The Secret Lives of Lamps.

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Rudolph goes green (compact flourescent nose)

Punt Cake

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'If I told you what I wished for, you'd probably slap me.'

'Ideas.com' desk with a 'come' tray and a 'gone' tray.

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

Glass and Porcelain Store: Elephants must remain outside.

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

You know you're getting up there in years when your birthday cake requires that extra box of candles....

"We were having a great conversation and then someone clapped."

The concert was going smoothly until Frankenstein's band played a ballad.

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

"Would the owner of the 1985 Ford station wagon, license plate METAL-1, please move your car so that the ice-cream truck can get through?"

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Relaxing in front of a fire.

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

"Hoarder."

"It's an extra $2.00 if you want a candle with a wick."

"I'm glad I don't have to put gas in it. the downside is that it takes a lot of time to put 3,000 AA batteries in it."

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

'It's my latest novel, 'Hard Times' part 2.'

"I love the popping sounds on old vinyl LPs..."

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"