Leisure Center Lounger Gifts

"I'm afraid the jacuzzi is out of order madam"

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

Blue Stockings

'She'll never look for me here.'

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, fell, and retained a brilliant attorney."

'...and talk about lazy!'

'Welcome home, Dear. Your dinner is in the popcorn bowl.'

"You're back. Hold on … just give me a minute."

Unabridged Dictionary

Sick person curled up at home

'Where does cozy end and tepid begin?'

"I'd like an aisle seat, please."

"Writing that book was a real strain."

"Don't you worry JB, everything is fine here."

"Medical science continues to provide hope in a troubled world. Now they say chocolate is good for you!"

'I'm able to live the American dream by getting paid in Euros, running my business form an offshore tax haven and getting European style universal health care.'

Mexican Dog

"Time to spring-clean where I spent the entire winter."

"It's called 'muscle confusion'. First, I put on my workout clothes, then I confuse my muscles by not working out."

"Are you walking the dog? We live on the third floor!"

'We've run out of one-man plays - why not make it up with the rest of the drama group?'

Champagne and Oysters

'I'd say the couch is contouring a bit TOO much to their bodies.'

'Here, you can have my fly trap.I already have one.'

"As a frequent flier, you'll be entitled to stay in our airport lounge for up to a week during delays."

'My dietitian told me to do something about my weight.....'

Rest distracted by moles.

"You have reached the samaritans. If you are a farmer press one, a pensioner press two, small business owner press three...."

"Hi! Are you enjoying the peace and quiet?!"

"Oooo!... Leather! I'd love to shed on that!!"