Luxury Lounger Gifts

"This is really putting a crimp in my plan to live in the woods and survive off nothing but berries and grubs."

'I'm able to live the American dream by getting paid in Euros, running my business form an offshore tax haven and getting European style universal health care.'

'I'd say the couch is contouring a bit TOO much to their bodies.'

'For beds, you can either have a king, or two twins, but no, not two twin kings.'

'If I fall asleep and my team scores, please fist bump a member of the hired help for me.'

Champagne and Oysters

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

'She'll never look for me here.'

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"I'm thinking this might e a good area to set up base camp."

Sick person curled up at home

'Where does cozy end and tepid begin?'

"Why did we wait to get recliners?"

'How can you bear to sit around doing nothing? You're right, I think I'll have a nap.'

"Sorry Honey, I'll be about thirty years late for dinner tonight."

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'

"As a frequent flier, you'll be entitled to stay in our airport lounge for up to a week during delays."

"The president wants me to stay on as unemployed."

"I really should have paid attention to everything I learned in Kindergarten."

"You have reached the samaritans. If you are a farmer press one, a pensioner press two, small business owner press three...."

"I'm afraid the jacuzzi is out of order madam"

Rest distracted by moles.

"Oooo!... Leather! I'd love to shed on that!!"

Hockney by the Pool

"Stay tuned to 6, the channel to snooze by."

Zerotasking

"Now bend forward to touch floor between feet- try to keep knees straight."

"In this country, son, anything is possible, including you going out and getting a job."

'He's not afraid of hard work-look at the way he fights it!'

The Modern Tourist

'You know, Mertins, when you take a vacation day, you can actually stay at home.'

"She only comes in to try out the heated seats."