Leisure Center Lounger T-Shirts

"I'm afraid the jacuzzi is out of order madam"

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

Blue Stockings

'She'll never look for me here.'

''Animal Farm' by George Orwell is definitely my favourite book...'

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, fell, and retained a brilliant attorney."

Soccer games took on a whole new meaning for the parents of Hillsdale Youth Soccer.

'...and talk about lazy!'

"You're back. Hold on … just give me a minute."

'Welcome home, Dear. Your dinner is in the popcorn bowl.'

Sick person curled up at home

"I'd like an aisle seat, please."

Unabridged Dictionary

'Where does cozy end and tepid begin?'

"Writing that book was a real strain."

"Don't you worry JB, everything is fine here."

'I'm able to live the American dream by getting paid in Euros, running my business form an offshore tax haven and getting European style universal health care.'

"Medical science continues to provide hope in a troubled world. Now they say chocolate is good for you!"

'I'd say the couch is contouring a bit TOO much to their bodies.'

"It's called 'muscle confusion'. First, I put on my workout clothes, then I confuse my muscles by not working out."

"Time to spring-clean where I spent the entire winter."

"Are you walking the dog? We live on the third floor!"

'We've run out of one-man plays - why not make it up with the rest of the drama group?'

Mexican Dog

Champagne and Oysters

"As a frequent flier, you'll be entitled to stay in our airport lounge for up to a week during delays."

'Here, you can have my fly trap.I already have one.'

"You have reached the samaritans. If you are a farmer press one, a pensioner press two, small business owner press three...."

Rest distracted by moles.

'My dietitian told me to do something about my weight.....'

"Hi! Are you enjoying the peace and quiet?!"