Legal Department Staff Gifts

'Our legal department thinks its job is to prevent trouble before it starts. They accomplish that by preventing everything before it starts.'

'I need somebody to run this by legal. Anyone in the office wearing sneakers?'

'Have you not noticed that our legal department is crawling with lawyers!'

"Never forget...if you bend a law enough, it becomes a loophole!"

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

The Circular Logic of Fascism

In and Out Tray

Desk Boxes: 'In', 'Out', 'Could Go Either Way'.

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

'That's my 'job security' barometer.'

We're transferring you to company headquarters so you can kiss company hindquarters.

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

"This is our new head of conflict resolution."

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

"Oh, Him? That's our IT guy."

'Might I caution you on suing the defendant for damages...such action is fraught with difficulty, given your 'hand-me-down' status in his family!!'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"Miss Antonacci, please have a regular coffee and a cheese Danish remanded to my chambers."

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

Sometimes I feel the company would collapse if we weren't here.

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

The annual running of the lawyers.