Lawn Wizard Gifts

Garden Centre - "...she thinks she's getting a mink coat!"

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

Rose Garden

'Congratulations! Our yard's been declared a national wilderness area!'

'That plant food really works!'

"Can you cut the grass but leave the daisies?"

D.I.Y

"So long, boys. I'm off to the big city to try my hand at chainsaw sculpture."

Texturing the Walls

'You can't come in here with that.'

'Told you to get your mower fixed.'

'Hey, are you like me? Do you hate mowing around trees? ell, then THIS is the machine for you!'

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,

'Calm down...it's probably just another mirage.'

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

'And if you squeeze snapdragons just like this, it sort of looks like they're biting something.'

The Scottish Lawn

"Sometimes Bob just needs a little motivation to get things done around here!"

September: All the familiar signs of harvest are with us once more.

"This lawnmower is a real time saver. After pushing it around for an hour, I forget about all the ambitious landscaping plans I thought up over winter."

Garden sprinkler in the form of a classical statue

Man gets round hosepipe ban by showering in the garden

'Boat Launch'

Human males marking territory.

'I'm making one of the craters into a birdbath.'

Man mowing lawn that grows quicker then he can cut it!

Dog Walker

CONGRATULATIONS On an awesome swim

Lawrence of Suburbia

'Despite her numerous advanced degrees, Dr.Bessie couldn't keep her mouth from watering.'

"At first I was homesick....now I'll probably be campsick for awhile!"

'Listen to this: Each drop of water we drink may have once been in a glacier, Attila the Hun's stew, Mike Tyson's sweat, Liberace's bathwater, drool from a...'

Boy: 'DAD, the lawnmower's started SMOKING again!'