Lawn Detective T-Shirts

'I didn't have time to mow the yard, so I used your credit card to have it carpeted. I hope you like shag.'

Wildlife

"You say it all the time, so I climbed every tree to prove it. You were right, money doesn't grow on trees."

Sale! Weed Whackers

"You're sure it was a Northern Bobwhite?"

"So that's where all the socks ended up!"

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,

"Mother! How? Wait — where’s Dad?!"

'True it does have small flowers but through the microscope its exquisite.'

"Aw, Dad! I don't wanna move. I just made friends with a fossil!"

'I don't know who he is...but he roto-tilled my entire yard and never even stopped to let me thank him!'

'I think they're the best crop circles you've ever done!'

Getting Rid of the Cure

So those are your 'weapons of mass destruction? - Slugs?

"What are you in for?"

'Its that final touch that makes it seem just like a natural pond.'

'Turn right at the Robinia pseudoacacia, pass the garden with the salvia officinalis, cross the road when you see the stranvaesia davidinia and the pub is on the left!'

"Sometimes Bob just needs a little motivation to get things done around here!"

'The good news is I just dethatched the lawn. The bad news is the lawn was nothing but thatch. . .'

The Last Days of a Hydrangea

Dispose of unproductive fruit trees.

Grass saying: mow me/feed me/weed me/roll me.

'... Because it's the law! That's why!'

Missing sock

The Complete Cycle.

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"

"We're out of bags."

"There's a house-plant round here somewhere."

"There's got to be an easier way to kill the moss in a lawn"

Where missing laundry socks go!

"Honest, Dad, somethin's wrong with the lawnmower." "You look fine to me. When you finish the lawn and pullin weeds feel free to wash the car and paint the house."

Rake

I see you've caught my honey robber.'

Mower Repair

The Hummingbird